To love, or not to love. That is the question.

You know, sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to be something else. OK...maybe not be something else, but maybe someone different. No, Im not getting all metaphysical, but I get the feeling sometimes that I am not doing what I am supposed to do.

I'm single (or divorced depending on how you look at it), and quite honestly, I love where I'm at right now. My job is a career. Something I have always wanted, and now have. I take it seriouslly, but I can still sleep at night. I have many friends, mostly from work, but outside of the workplace environment I don't really "Go Out" anymore.

I have not dated in almost 3 years. Being 36, this may seem strange, but after my last relationship I wanted to focus on the things that I did not get a chance to focus on in my second (yes, I said second) marriage.

I've focused, and seen clear what I strived to see. Quite proud of in fact! I've come a long way baby. But here's what bothers me. It seems that family and friends are (in their own loving and seemingly inconspicuous way) trying to get me to "Go Out" more or explore the possibility that I need to start dating again. It's not that I don't want to..but I question wether I really need to at this point. Right now, I have a goal. It's to continue to be debt free (which took me 20 years to get), to continue to better myself by educating myself in things that I used to turn my nose up to, and to further my career. Do I really "Need" to start dating?

One of my many hundreds of favorite Pink Floyd songs says..." Was it love, or the idea of being in love? ". I used to profess both, but I think in retrospect that it may have been more of ... the idea. Sure I have been deeply, madly in love before. But the idea is what drove most of that love.

I suppose my most famous reasoning is that I want to wait until I can get a new, or newer car, and not be driving the POS that I have. Somehow, getting that is supposed to give me the open doors of opportunity and help complete the circle that I am told I need to complete.

So...I played a lotto ticket this weekend. $118,000,000.00. It makes me wonder. What if I won. Yah, Yah, Yah, my family would be set...at least for their lives, and I'd start or help a charity.Blah. Blah. Blah. But I really don't feel that money would be my inspiration to try to love again. So what is it going to take? Am I missing something? I'll be glad to explain myself to anyone who wants to listen, but I want to know why I am more inspired to continue on my learning spree than I am to find love again? Does it matter?

Hit me back!