What I would say if I could!

Have you ever had those times where you have a great revelation of what you'd do or say if you were able to? I have that from time to time. I hope this post doesn't come across as me being bitter, because in reality...I'm not.

So I have this weird dream last night. Without going into detail, I'll just say it invloves my ex-wife (which one is not the issue). I happen upon her at a friends house, and everything that I have envisioned saying to her for years comes out in an all out freak fest in the bathroom. This was very indicative of our relationship so this was not a shock, but it got me to thinking.

What would really..REALLY happen. Every time I've visited this thought I get so many emotions going that I'm not real sure what I really would do.

Would I play it cool and say, "Hey how have you been...how's the kids.Blah, Blah, Blah"

or would I say, "You know I have to say that I am glad things turned out as they did because some of the most important life lessons that I have learned have come from what we went thru."

or would I say, "I'm sorry that the fate's did not allow two people with good intentions to be able to stay together because we were so different."

or would I say, "Could it be that we've come across each other again to be given a second chance at us?"

or would I say, "How could you see me go thru what I did and not stop me. Even if you only loved me for your own selfish reasons so it temporarily satisfied your needs and wants, the least you could have done is wake me up before it was too late to see what I had become."

or would I say, "I want you to know that you took the part of me that most women would love to have in their life, and broke it down to rubble so that no woman could ever see that good side of me, and in turn have cursed my ability to fully love and be loved again."

or would I say, "There are plenty of things that I have wanted to say to you over the years, but none of that matters anymore. I will take what I have learned tarry on, only hoping to find what I thought we once had. I only wish you well, and hope that you may be so lucky as to find that perfect person to bring out the best in you. Our disfunction may have only existed to show us what is functional. Every day I dream of being in a place that we could have been, and should have been, but what was meant to happen happened. The part of me that you needed when we were together is the only part that I have left."

"Peace!"

Should I stay or should I go now!

Well, not much been going on lately other than work. I asked for a raise. It's been two years, and I have more than proved myself to be a good manager. In two years I have saved my company approx. $20,000 + in mistakes, supplies, leasing equipment, etc...

I've gained respect from every salesperson, customer service person, and dozens of the highest profile clients we have. I've tripled the efficiency of our workflow, and have proposed how to triple it again by moving towards a paperless system. I've trained myself and passed that training onto everyone that will listen. I've even played a private and silent role in improving workflow and efficiency in other departments.

So what's my odds of getting any more than a $1.00 an hour raise. Practically none! It appears that I am not that far from being topped out for my position in my company. And here's what really sucks. When I first started, I left a job that paid only .75 cents less an hour than what I am making now. That was five years ago. So (doing the math) I am only up .75 cents in 5 years. That sucks. Especially considering that I was in line to make $2.00 more per hour where I was had there not been the falling out. <<< That's for another post.

I've been in the same field of work for almost 10 years now so I consider it my career. Truth is, I want to stay in this career, but there is not alot of turn around (employee wise). These positions are hard to come across. However after realizing that I may soon be "topped out", I've been doing some thinking. What I like just as much as what I actually do (job duties) is management. I love the challenge. The ability to take the train wreck that lies ahead of me and rebuild it to be a little engine that can. While I don't like is being given a screwdriver to rebuild an engine (metaphorically speaking), I like convincing others to buy me more tools to work with.

So, I have considered updating the ole' dusty resume and focusing more on the leadership abilites and trying to make a new career. As long as I have stuck with this, it would be quite a change to find myself managing or supervising in another industry, but I can still do (some) of what I do on the side if I wanted for a few extra buckaroos.

I'd sell my body to women, but that would be like retiring with no income.

What would you do in my position?????

Peace!